WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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