he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
