happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
