Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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