I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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