Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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