I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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