i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
