Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
