(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
