Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
