This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
