you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
