To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Boobs are out for the taking
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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