I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
In other news, I just burned my penis
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
