I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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