You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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