john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
