Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
