So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
