Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
