Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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