I cockslap morals
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
