i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
