I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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