College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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