am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize