Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
