Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
The air taste purple.
Randomize
