he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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