what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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