fuck your aforementioned shoe
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Drunk is not a location!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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