listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
