He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
