If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize