He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
