he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I love you. Go after that dick
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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