i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
