You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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