ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize