8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
love makes seman taste better
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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