He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
