fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
cat food counts as protein by the way
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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