1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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