you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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