saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
