Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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