Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
