I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
