oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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