Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
