The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
