oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
