so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
