we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
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