last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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