Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
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