accomplished twins. life is a go
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
