The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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