i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
