You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
