So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
