I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
it wasn't lemon gatorade
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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