watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
