the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
