This is not my ceiling
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
COCAINE IS GR8
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
