I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
