My underwear smells like fireworks.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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