oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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