the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
