I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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