I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
We left the knife in your bed.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
