Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
