I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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