Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
