Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
