Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
