You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
