Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
