We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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