Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
