your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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