It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
