you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
