Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
