I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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