I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
