Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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