you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize