If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
