all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
