A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
smell my finger.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
