Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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