the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
