Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
