Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
