I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
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