Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Even my vagina gasped.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
