FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
