You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
