There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
