Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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