Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
