she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
