Betty ford says i'm here all night
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
